The quality of our presence with our children is central to the quality of our relationship with them.
~Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn
This has been a very difficult week for me. I had been looking forward to my first market stand and really wanting to do a good job. But increasingly my days have been becoming more and more stressful as the I tried to push through a seeming wall of inertia in order to get everything ready. I started to feel sick to my stomach as tensions mounted with my children. Finally, I stopped to take an honest look at what effect this was having on my relationship with my children.
When I decided to stay home with my children before my first son was born I made the commitment to put my kids first and to be present for them while they were young. Lately, I have not been able to cultivate the level of presence I feel they deserve, as my mind has been so focused on making products. Their need for my presence, however, has not diminished, and so the balance of our lives together has suffered. After a really awful day, I had to admit that this could not go on. I made the decision to drop out of the market.
I apologize to anyone who was planning to visit my table, but I have to put my family first. I will still have some herbal products for sale at my classes, and of course the CSM members will still have two more herbal pick ups, but letting go of the market has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders, freeing me to be more present and mindful with these guys...